It's 2011; Time to Be for Real

Hi again, I'm back!

Obviously I took a little, err a long break there with all this diet stuff because honestly? I was getting burned out. Funny how when I was motivated and excited and on the ball about getting healthy and losing weight, I was actually doing just those things. When I started to get burned out, I started gaining weight back and lost the motivation to even try and well, guess what happened?

I gained a lot of weight back.

And for that?

I'm sad.

And angry.

I'm disappointed in myself.

I worked SO HARD to lose weight after I had my second son. I put a lot of hard work into exercising, and eating healthy. I loved what it was doing for me, my body was changing. I wasn't afraid to look at myself in the mirror and actually like what I saw. The size of my clothes were getting smaller, so small that I donated all of my 'fat clothes'. I promised myself that I would never need them again because I would never get heavy again, and well.

It was a big fat lie.

I left myself go.

I said good-bye to watching what I ate and ate anything and everything I wanted.

Even if I felt guilty about it afterwards.

I still did it.

I'd tell myself 'not again' then would find myself doing it again the next day. Or maybe even an hour or two later.

I was suddenly realizing that my clothes in my closet were all too small and was kicking myself in the butt for getting rid of all of the fat clothes. And the little voice in the back of my head was telling me what a dummy I was for actually thinking that I'd never wear them again. Because here I was - AGAIN - struggling with weight gain and self confidence and self esteem. I had become my worst enemy.

I said good-bye to doing the incline once a week (I didn't climb it AT ALL last year, AT ALL!) and I said screw it with all the Couch to 5K programs I started because it was such a commitment. I stopped Weight Watchers. I joined a gym then cancelled because I wasn't going enough. I didn't continue doing The 30 Day Shred daily like I had been.

I just didn't care.

And it showed.

And it still shows.

And I'm paying for it now.

So. It's a new year.

I've rejoined weight watchers, and have successfully lost five pounds since I joined last week. I've started being aware of what I eat and drink and while I haven't started a routine exercise yet, I will be. And I plan to stick with it and transform myself into what I want to be.

Thin.

And healthy.

And you bet, I'm going to track my progress here as I go along. The good. AND the bad.